Lääkikseen eli pänttäyskertomus: Uusi vuosi, uudet kujeet

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Kirjojen ja lehtien TOP 15

1 Galenos (6.-7.p., WSOY 2006)
2 IFA (15.p., WSOY 2004)
3 Lukion pitkän matikan kirjat
4 Lukion fyssankirjat
5 Lukion bilsankirjat
6 Lukion kemmankirjat
7 Tiede-lehti
8 Hyvä terveys -lehti
9 Suomen lääkärilehti
10 Gray's Anatomy (Gray,1858,Parragon1995,orig.edt)
11 Suomen terveellisin kirja (Huovinen,Leino,WSOY2000)
12 Löytöretki ihmiseen (Smith,Helsinki Media1999)
13 Mediuutiset
14 Kansanterveys-lehti
15 Lääkärikirja (Palo, WSOY 2001)
Kirjasyöppönä lisäksi erinäisiä romaaneja ja dekkareita jatkuvasti menossa...

Lääkisvitsejä

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said: "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order." The second surgeon said: "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order." The third surgeon said: "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded." The fourth surgeon said: "I like operatingon lawyers." The other three surgeons looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked: "Why?" The fourth surgeon replied: "Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable."

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!" "Do you drink a lot?" "Not really - I spill most of it!"

Two molecules are walking down the street and one starts looking around. The other asks, "What's wrong?" "I have lost my electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!"

Patient: "Doctor, if I give up wine, women and cigarettes, shall I live longer?" Doctor: "No, it will just seem longer."

The doctor tells the patient he has very bad flu. The patient says he wants a second opinion. The doctor says: "OK, you're ugly too. "

"A doctor is the only man without a guaranteed cure for the cold." - Dominic Cleary

"The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while Nature affects the cure." - Voltaire

"If a doctor treats your cold, it will go away in fourteen days. If you leave it alone, it will go away in two weeks." - Gloria Silverstein

A man walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist: "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" "Do you mean aspirin?", says the pharmacist. "That's it, I can never remember that word."

Dwayne is recovering from surgery in St Peter's, Chertsey, UK, having had a local anaesthetic when a nurse asks him how he's feeling. "I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery." "What did he say?", asks the nurse. "OOPS!"

From Medical Charts

* Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. * Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. * On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. * The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. * The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. * Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. * Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. * The patient refused autopsy. * The patient has no previous history of suicides. * Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. * Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.* Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. * Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.* Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up.* She is numb from her toes down.* While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.* The skin was moist and dry. * Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.* Patient was alert and unresponsive. * She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.* Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.* I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.* Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.* Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized.* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. * The patient was to have a bowel resection.* However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. * Skin: somewhat pale but present.* The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.* Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. * Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. * She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.* Patient was found in bed with her power mower.

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said: "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober."

Lääkikseen eli pänttäyskertomus

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Apr 8, 2008

Uusi vuosi, uudet kujeet

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